What Hurts the Most
by Softly Kissed
Summary: Holly J has lost almost everything she cares about. Now with feelings that she doesn't quite understand how will she get through her new life?  Rated T for later chapters.


**Well I've been trying to do it and here it is! My first Degrassi Fanfic! Yay! I love Holly J and Declan as well as Sav and Holly J, I picked Holly J and Sav because I love Ray Ablack and it's my dream to meet him! Ok so I never remember to put a Disclaimer in every chapter so I usually put one that should cover the rest of the chapters in the first so here it is:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, or any reference to a movie, book, song, etc. I own the ideas that popped up in my head of my own brain and those alone. I do not own anything that you have heard before unless it is a coincidence. I promise to you all right now I do not plagiarize. As stated these ideas are mine and I would prefer they would stay as such.**

**Enjoy!**

_Prologue:_

Holly J Sinclair lived a life of luxury, but behind all this luxury and what seemed to be perfection were lies, secrets and most of all hatred. Her family was not as perfect as people seemed to believe. If you're a Sinclair you have to be on top, if you're not on top you fail. Period, there is no ifs, ands, or buts, just failure. Holly J and her two sisters were raised with this always in their heads.

Heather Sinclair was Holly J's older sister and taught Holly J everything she had to know about being on top in the family. No one in the family particularly liked each other. It may sound strange because they were a family, but all they did was try to one up one another. There were only two people in the household with a solid family-like relationship, Holly J and her father. Holly J actually respected her father and the decisions he made, unlike her mother, Heather, and Hayden, her youngest sister. They all saw that her father preferred Holly J to all of them and they resented her for it giving her the toughest time.

One day when Holly J was a young girl her father took her out for a drive around town, just the two of them. They went and got ice cream, then sitting on the bench in the park her father turned to her and spoke in a serious voice that made her feel all grown up. He explained to her things she would need to know, like why he loved her so much and how no matter what happened she would always be his little girl.

Holly J lost that through her years growing up because all she saw was how hard her mother was on her. It broke her heart, but she didn't let anyone know that because the second your vulnerable in that house, you're dead. Now as a soon to be senior this fall, Holly J was the Queen. Not only did everyone at Beechmont Private Prep admire her, hate her, and wish they were her, but she had the most amazing boyfriend and would be attending Yale with him the following year.

To Holly J her life was perfect, but her lack of compassion expressed towards others concerned her father. He thought Declan might be able to teach her something, but it wasn't Declan who winded up teaching Holly J a lesson or two during her senior year.

_Chapter 1_

_Holly J's POV_

I stood outside The Dot, I hadn't been here in years and it seemed to have changed quite a bit since my dad took her there when I was fifteen. I had fought about going out with him that day because I had a date with some guy who now I didn't even remember his name. _Way to prioritize._ I thought bitterly, but I just shook my head and walked inside to an empty restaurant. There was one girl there in the far corner sitting on a counter seat her head in her hands. She had dark skin and black hair, her fashion sense looked bearable which surprised me because I had never seen her before. The weirdest thing was it looked like she was sleeping.

"I'm looking for Spinner, Spinner Mason. Is he here today?" The girl made no move and I was about to say something when she shouted.

"Sav come here!" The girl didn't move she just shouted it and it made me jump backwards a bit.

I fixed my short black skirt and pink and white tank top. I looked down at my high heeled boots and frowned looking around and imagining food and messes all around me, maybe a different outfit would have been better. As I was contemplating this a boy-er-young man came out with a t-shirt on it that said "The Dot". He had short black hair the same color as the girl and a similar skin color. I guessed that they were siblings.

"Alli what could you possibly wa-" He cut off his speech right there and looked at me blinking his eyes twice.

"Is Spinner here?" I asked slightly annoyed, why should I have to get up this early if I'm gonna be standing here for twenty minutes with this guy staring at me.

"Uh…no, but why are you?" The boy asked his eyebrows pushing together.

_Rude much? _I thought and forced myself not to roll my eyes. "I talked to Spinner about getting me a job here; he said I should start at seven forty-five today." I said walking over to the counter.

"Oh," The boy said obviously confused.

"I'm Holly J, does that ring a bell?" I asked twisting a piece of hair around my finger.

The boy shook his head, "Not in the slightest, so Holly do you have any-" 

"It's Holly _J_." I said interrupting him.

"What?" he said impatiently.

"My name is Holly J. Not Holly." I said and I threw in a smile to show I wasn't trying to be mean right now, but it didn't look like it worked. He just looked irritated.

"Okay, well than, _Holly J_ do you have any experience being a waitress?" He asked me snippily. I internally groaned working with him did not seem like fun right now.

I pulled at the strand of hair I was playing with, "No."

"No?" He looked utterly shocked and even more annoyed.

"No." I said shaking my head and sitting down on a counter stool next to the half asleep girl.

He put his hands in front of him and closed his eyes. He exhaled once, "Give me one second." I watched him go into the kitchen and take out his cell phone. He held it up to his ear and paced impatiently.

"Ugh good luck to you working with my brother, he's no fun and kinda strict at work." The girl said laying her head on the counter.

"Great." I said sarcastically and turned around so I looked out at the street. _This is gonna be fun._

_Sav's POV_

I couldn't believe Spinner sent me some new girl to train that had no experience what so ever and had an attitude.

"Hey Sav, what's up?" Spinner asked soon after I started calling him.

"Um where did she come from?" I asked annoyed.

"Who? You got a girl? Aw man see I told you the thing with Anya wasn't the end of the world." Spinner laughed.

"No, the new waitress, she has zero experience, tell me you're joking with me." I pleaded into my phone and glanced though the window on the door to look at Holly J. She was looking directly at me her perfectly plucked eyebrows raised. I looked away blushing, she definitely knew I was talking about her.

"Oh, Holly J, yeah I know it's gonna be a little work, but she'll be good promise." Spinner said sounding kind of guilty.

"Why did you get her a job here if she has no experience? Do you want this place to go completely down hill?"

"Stop overreacting, listen just do this favor for me, okay? I need for her to have a job there. Just show her the ropes. You can do it."

I sighed and nodded, "Whatever, this is ridiculous."

"Eh, we've dealt with worse." Spinner said and he was probably right, but I just hung up the phone and went outside to talk to Holly J.

"Ok so what can you do?" I asked trying to be calm, I could get through this.

"Well, I can make any kind of latte. I'm kinda strong so I can carry stuff." Holly J tried, but she wrinkled her nose a bit and I sighed. I guessed she would try so I was gonna give her a chance. I gave her the t-shirt and apron.

"Ew, what is this?" she asked picking up the apron with two fingers and holding it away from herself like it might give her some sort of disease.

"It's an apron." I shrugged and started to stack coffee cups. She put the t-shirt on and it seemed to be a good size for her. She then proceeded to trying with the apron, she finally got it on right-the process was quite funny actually-and looked at me for further instructions.

I handed her a pad to take orders on and a small pen. "Food orders clip to one of these metal things." I said spinning it around, "The food will be put out in this window too." I then walked over to the coffee machine, which she already knew how to use since her friend had a similar one. _Cause that doesn't mean you're rich and Spinner is just doing this to torture me. _ I then explained milkshakes and she seemed to really understand everything. _Huh, _I thought running a hand through my hair._ Maybe this won't be a total failure after all._

_Holly J's POV_

After about three hours working I was totally done, this was horrible. I finally understood why people complained about it so much.

"Um excuse me, Barbie?" A girl with curly dark hair snapped at me as I walked by putting some peoples' food down. I ignored her snide remark and kept helping other people. "I'm talking to you, I ordered an iced coffee a long time ago, are you gonna bring it here?"

"Depends," I snapped. "Are you gonna take some hair product to that rat's nest you call hair?" In all honesty it wasn't my best, but I had been dealing with people all day and she was pissing me off.

"Excuse me?" she snapped. "If you don't bring me it now and shut your mouth I'm leaving."

"Don't let the door hit you on the way out." I said smiling and then I delivered things to other people.

"Here, I'm so sorry. She's new and this is on the house." I heard Sav say and he gave the rude bitch her iced coffee while glaring at me. "Holly didn't actually mean it."

I just shrugged and plastered a smile on my face as I dealt with other people. I snapped at about five more people and each time Sav's glares got colder.

Then we were just about to close when some little kid came in with his mother and she asked for two milk shakes. I couldn't help, but give her a sarcastic smile as I went back and made them. I was unfortunately pretty good at the whole making drinks thing. I put the drinks down-dropped them actually- and hurried off pretending I was doing something far away from Sav. I saw Sav walking towards me, but the little kid's hand hit the milkshake and it got all over the table and Sav. I held in a laugh at the white marks the vanilla milkshake left on his clothes, but then I realized who would have to clean it up and I turned around pretending to be busy.

I glanced over my shoulder and saw Sav smiling at the young child and handing him a Styrofoam cup with a straw sticking out. He had his hand on the crying child's shoulder and even though I wanted to roll my eyes at the same time I found it kinda sweet.

The mother walked out holding her child's hand and I went over and locked the door.

"I'm surprised you got through today." Sav said with a roll of his eyes. I did the same to hide the sting I felt from that comment.

"Here Holly clean it up." Sav said throwing a dirty rag at me. I shrieked and jumped back. "Are you kidding?"

I tried to be less annoying by picking up the rag and gently trying to scrub away the mess. Honestly though, I knew I wasn't doing a good job because I was barely touching the rag.

I felt myself being nudged out of the way and Sav took over looking tired. "Ugh." I muttered and went behind the counter to grab my purse and threw off my apron. I hung it up next to others I saw and sat down for the first time in what felt like forever.

"Holly, you need to work on your attitude. Please don't make us lose customers because Spinner got you a job here. Don't damage Spinner's credibility either." Sav said putting the rag next to the sink.

"Maybe, if you call me by my real name. It's Holly J. Not Holly." I said crossing my arms over my chest.

Sav sighed, "Okay, Holly J will you change your attitude please, with a cherry on top?" He asked sarcastically.

"I don't appreciate the sarcasm, but okay I'll try." I smirked and I heard someone knock at the door.

I ran over and my heart skipped a beat realizing just how bad I looked. I quickly undid the lock and opened the door ignoring Sav's complaints.

"There could be a guy with a gun out there." Sav said as he walked over to where I was standing. I rolled my eyes.

"Or it could be my-" I was cut off with Declan capturing my lips with his and I smiled. I kissed him back until I heard Sav clear his throat uncomfortably. I pulled away blushing. "My boyfriend, Declan Coyne. Declan this is my boss Sav." Sav just nodded at Declan and turned back to me.

"Don't be late tomorrow and work on your attitude, okay Holly J?" I nodded and let Declan drag me out of The Dot.

I climbed into his car and I finally felt relaxed. "So, my parents are in New York and Fiona is staying at a friend's in France for the week…Jacuzzi?"

I smiled at him, "Sounds amazing." I leaned over and kissed him.

"_Holly Jeanette?" I heard my mom in the dining room._

"_Yeah?" I asked kind of annoyed, I was about to go to the mall with the rest of the cheerleading squad._

"_We need to talk…there's been an accident and your father, well he…"_

"_Is he hurt?" I asked now my heart was pounding in my chest. He's just hurt. I promised myself, but I could feel it in my heart that it wasn't true._

"_He died." I shook my head and didn't even see my mother anymore, tears were blinding my vision._

"_No. No. You're lying to me, stop. No. What about at the hospital? Why didn't they do anything? Why didn't they help my father?" I was sobbing now and I didn't care that I was vulnerable at the moment my father, the only person who understood me, was gone. They didn't save him._

"_He was dead on arrival; there was nothing anyone could do." I wiped my eyes and saw my mom was holding something back._

"_What?" I snapped at her._

"_First of all, I do not care what is wrong, do not speak to me that way. Also, I'm going to need your credit card and car keys." I stepped back._

"_Why?"_

"_Well, your father made some bad decisions and it's gotten worse…"_

"_So now I'm poor and fatherless?" I gasped and felt more tears threatening behind my eyes. "What's next, send me to public school?" My mother looked down at her hands folded neatly in her lap. "No, oh my gosh no! I can't go to public school!"_

"_Heather went there, it's actually a very good school!" My mother argued and I shook my head. _

"_You're ruining my life!" I screamed and ran to my room crying into my pillow._

I woke up with a start and felt tear streaks down my face and my pillow soaking wet. I didn't want to go to work today and got up with a start realizing I was already late.

I put on sandals a looser skirt than yesterday and the freshly washed t-shirt running out the door.

After taking a bus-which was absolutely disgusting-I was at The Dot, but I didn't run because I didn't want to seem desperate to get to work. I looked at my watch, 8:15. Ah I really am late.

"You're late." Sav said bringing some coffee over to some girls our age.

"Yeah I know, sorry." I muttered putting on my apron.

"Sorry? Well I can already see your attitude is improving. Welcome to The Dot, Holly J." Sav handed me a name tag that read Holly J and I smiled.

"Yeah, I guess so."

**I hope you like it everybody! Okay so I'm putting Declan in some nice private school in Toronto and Fiona is in Beechwood with Holly J. Please Read and Review.**

**xxoo Gently Kissed**


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